Supporting your child with conflict resolution

Bickering, arguing and falling out between children is a normal part of growing up. Parents are often unhappy about this as they see this as their child being unhappy. However through the experience of disagreeing with each other children learn resilience, how to express their feelings and defend their rights. Parents who rush to mediate arguments or try to resolve disputes for their children are often inadvertently denying their child the opportunity to learn important communication and conflict resolution skills.

What you can do to support your child’s social resilience:

· Ignore minor squabbles. Resolving their own difficulties helps children develop the skills they need to communicate and resolve issues within friendship groups or with siblings. Undoubtedly there will be times that your child wants to discuss difficulties with friends or siblings, discuss these incidents but ask children for their ideas on how to resolve the conflict.

· Give limited attention to constant tale telling over small matters. Try to reward   conflict resolution with your attention rather than giving the attention to unwanted behaviours. Encourage your child to speak about positive   interactions with others as much as possible i.e. notice when your child is interacting well with their peers or siblings and praise that behaviour.

· If children feel unable to deal with peer conflict in school encourage them to speak to an adult who can help resolve difficulties. If staff are aware of issues as they occur it is much easier to find a resolution. Looking at incidents that have occurred the previous day is very difficult to manage.

· Do not encourage your child to retaliate, this could lead to your child getting hurt or getting in to trouble themselves.

· Remember that arguments between siblings and friends is normal. Don’t moan loudly about your children always fighting as children will likely live up to your perception of them.